Tobias: Here he comes, here comes John Wayne. I'm not gonna cry about my pa, I'm gonna build me an airport and put my name on it. Really Michael, but is it your feelings that are flying away. [Opens refridgerator] Hey, who the (bleep) ate my hard-boiled eggs? [Charlie Brown music plays as Tobias shamefully walks away]

Tobias: "Let the great experiment begin!"

Kitty: "SPRING BREAK! WOO!"

Gob: I (bleep)ed Kitty.
Michael: Oh, Gob! I just wanted you to get the information!
Gob: I got the information.
Michael: You did, huh. About the international accounts.
Gob: [pause] Oh I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.

George: I haven't had sex in a month.
Michael: You know, you've been in prison for two months.
George: It's hard to gauge time in here.
Michael: Yeah, I bet.

Buster: I have been apart of this archeological dig. I think we found a part of a pterodactyl under Fashion Island.
[Flashback to the dig; Buster slams the hammer down on a human skull, breaking it]
Buster: Oh... Tha--That was 90% gravity.

Michael: Life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to have that again. You know, a family; nothing else matters.
Lucille: [enters the house] Michael!
Michael: It's mom, hide!

Lindsay: I care deeply for nature.
Michael: You're wearing ostrich skin boots.
Lindsay: Well I don't care about ostriches.

Lindsay: I appreciate what you're doing for the environment, but we're not the only ones who destroy trees. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist, why don't you go out and club some beavers?
Johnny Bark: You don't really get nature, do you?

Gob: I've made a huge mistake.

Lucille: I'll be at the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know there isn't a hospital bar.
Lucille: This is why people hate hospitals. [laughs]
[Lucille laughs hysterically down the hall]

Michael: You were flying today, buddy.
Buster: Yes, I was flying. But a little too close to the sun.
Lucille: You let him go into the sun!?

Tobias: Methinks a cupid I shall play.

Buster: This is going to be the most bitchingly fast bike in all of Orange County.

Lucille: Buster!
Buster: [Running around the apartment] It's a bird!
Lucille: I know it's a bird--I'm on the phone!
Buster: It walked on my pillow!

Steve Holt: Steve Holt!

Tobias: Huzzah!

Gob: Oh, that is just great. Now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's 'Oh, let's have Gob (bleep) our way out of it.'
Lucille: What is the matter with you?

Lucille: Hello Buster. Here, have a candy bar. [Takes it back] No, I'm withholding it. Look at me... getting off!

Barry: Hey--my star witness! Come here! [Kisses Michael] Good to see ya! You know what? Don't get too close to me, 'cause I've got an itch you can't believe. I think something laid eggs on me.
Michael: Thanks for the heads up.

Maeby: You don't see me nervous about being on my third Virgin Mary.
George Michael: Why would you be nervous? There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.
Maeby: There isn't? This is unbelievable. [to Waiter] Can I get a Virgin Pina Colada when you get a chance? [to George Michael] Now we'll get things started.

Buster: Hey, brother.

George: You what?
Michael: Burned it right down to the ground.
George: Are you crazy? There was money in that banana stand.
Michael: Well, it's all gone now dad, and it was my decision. So next time you want to have a little power struggle, remember that you're playing with fire.
George: There was two hundred and fifty thousand dollars lining the walls of the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George: Cash, Michael.
Michael: Why didn't you tell me that?
George: How much clearer can I say, there's always MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!
Guard: No touching!
George: No touching!
Guard: No touching!
George: No touching!
Guard: No touching!
George: No touching!

Lindsay: Look at us. We're dressed like we're in the '60s. It’s the 21st century. We should be dressing like it's the '80s.

George: You'd be an accomplice. No, it had to be your mom. [whispering] They cannot arrest a husband and wife for the same crime. [winks]
Michael: Yeah, I don't think that that's true, Dad.
George: Really? I got the worse (bleep)ing attorneys.

Michael: Well I'm sorry, it's just, it's too late. I'm moving to Phoenix. I got a job.
[The rest of the family is speechless]
Michael: It's something you apply for, and they pay you to ah--Nevermind, I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Michael: What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?
George Michael: Breakfast.
Michael: Family.
Geroge Michael: Family, right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

Michael: So, this is the magic trick, huh?
Gob: Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money.
[Michael points to the young children overhearing their conversation.]
Gob: Or candy!

Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant it just makes me want to... set myself on fire!

Lucille: There were 250 CCs of your father in that banana stand!